Too Late
by Leebot
Summary: Shiznat, AU. Sometimes, fate can be cruel. Did she ever have a chance at love?
1. Secrets

**Title:** Too Late

**Rating:** T

**Chapter 1:** Secrets

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I met Natsuki in my third year of college. I was tutoring other students for a little extra cash on the side, and she approached me near the end of the fall term. She'd had to miss a couple weeks of classes due to a bout with pneumonia, and she needed my help to catch up. I was something of a polyglot myself, so fortunately I was able to help her with all of her classes. I did have to forgo tutoring anyone else, but she paid me more than enough to make up for it.

However, after the first couple sessions with her, I would have willingly continued to help her for free. Natsuki was absolutely the most adorable creature I'd ever come across. It wasn't just in her physical appearance – though she certainly was quite pretty – her whole attitude just screamed, "Cute!" to me. Watching her break out in giddiness as she figured out some concept was just priceless. It was like she was my own little puppy, craving my approval and wagging her tail frantically when she got it. I don't know what exactly she liked in me, but we became fast friends and got together regularly even after she no longer needed my help.

I was absolutely enchanted with her, which made it all the more of a shock when I learned that she had a boyfriend. Of course, the fact that she was involved put her off-limits to me, but the fact that it was with a boy also decreased the chance that she'd also be into girls – just in case it ever fell through, I justified to myself. But their relationship showed no such signs of any problems. I learned through talking with her that they'd been exclusive for over a year, and they were obviously quite comfortable together.

Inside, I was torn up by this news. Try as I might, I just couldn't stop myself from feeling for her, though. Fortunately, I was somehow able to hide this side of my feelings from her. Even when I slipped a little and went a bit further than was appropriate between friends, she never seemed to notice that anything was wrong. I learned eventually that I was actually the first female friend she'd ever had, so I guess she probably just had nothing to compare our friendship to.

In the end, I resolved myself to accept whatever of Natsuki I could get. I might never be able to have all of her, but the small glimpses of heaven I got were enough to keep me going. I never was able to get rid of my feelings for her, though. I wish I had; it would have made things a lot easier now and prevented a lot of pain.

At times, I hated myself for feeling the way I did. I met her boyfriend a couple of times, and he was really a great guy. He certainly loved Natsuki very much, and she returned it. I mused at times that he actually seemed like a male version of myself, and this made it impossible to really hate him. I resented him, certainly, for having gotten to Natsuki first, but that was just my problem, not his. I liked to imagine, though, that Natsuki would truly be better off with me, but I couldn't know for sure.

Things continued more or less stably for a while, until one day Natsuki told me something which caused my whole world to shatter. Her boyfriend had proposed to her, and she accepted. All the threads of hope I'd clung onto for so long were cut away from me. Natsuki was claimed as his, and they were soon to cement the union in law – a way I'd never be able to with her, even if we did somehow get together.

I held up a mask of happiness for her as she told me the news. I acted as if I were glad for her, while inside my heart was being torn in two. I excused myself from her presence as soon as I could, though, so I could go home to cry my heart out.

It was pathetic, but it was all I could do. I hated myself for feeling this way. I was supposed to be her friend, and as her friend, I should have simply been happy for her. Maybe how I felt for her made me a bad friend then, but I couldn't help it. I'd tried to stop, I wish I could have stopped, but I failed, and it ended up killing me.

I cried for hours, desperately clutching at my bedsheets, pretending that it was Natsuki there for me. I wasn't one to normally be so emotional, so I really had no good way to handle it. I pictured desperately a world where Natsuki and I could be together, hoping I could descend into that fantasy. As I got more desperate, I would have settled for simply going a bit insane then just so I could believe that fantasy was real and be free of my pain.

It was no good. Nothing I could do would help in the slightest. Life was quite simply being unfair to me. I'd met the girl of my dreams just to learn that she was already taken. I'd never even had a chance to win her heart. It was as if some spiteful god just wished to rub in my face what I'd never be getting. Then, just as I was able to settle into something of a routine with things, she got engaged, proving to me just how cursed I truly was.

I wanted to tell her. My heart screamed at me to open up to her and let her know how I was feeling. But there was just no way I could. The part of me which still cared about being a good friend overruled my heart. I just couldn't go and let her know how much I was hurting on what should have been one of the happiest days of her life. For the sake of Natsuki, I had to keep all of this to myself and suffer in silence.

It became harder as the day went on, though. The pain in my heart just kept growing until the chivalrous part of me couldn't hold back against it. It just wasn't fair that I had to hurt this much. I needed to talk to Natsuki. What if this was actually right? I wondered. Could I ever truly forgive myself if I let this pass in silence? I needed to know. I knew I would almost certainly be rejected and ruin our friendship as a result of it, but the slim chance of winning Natsuki was worth it. Our friendship was likely forfeit anyways.

The only thing that held me back was the fear of hurting her. I still cared for her that much, at least. I didn't want to put her through the pain of having to decide and reject either me or her boyfriend. But I still couldn't just stay here, crying alone. Eventually, I came to a compromise with myself. I'd talk to her, ask for her support, but I wouldn't tell her specifically what was bothering me. It would still hurt her a little to know I was in pain, I was sure, but that was the standard toil of friendship.

Having come to this decision, I lay on my back on my bed and tried to steady myself, to stop my tears so I could be somewhat intelligible to her. I reached over my hand and fumbled for my phone on the nightstand. With a final deep breath, I flipped it open and hit the speed-dial for Natsuki.

I held my breath as the phone started ringing. After two rings, I started picturing in my mind what Natsuki might have been up to. Perhaps she was celebrating with her new fiancé. Maybe they were even… I shook my head rapidly to prevent that thought from fully forming. I couldn't take that prospect right now.

"Hello?" Natsuki answered her phone. I struggled to get a grip on myself and figure out what I was going to say.

"Natsuki?" Of course it was her; it was her cell phone after all. But I just couldn't think of anything better to say.

"Shizuru!" She said. Her voice seemed to have filled with cheer as she said this. "What's up?" I pictured Natsuki once more as my little puppy, wagging her tail as she was happy to see me.

_My little puppy… My puppy… My Natsuki. Mine._

"I love you."


	2. Simplicity

**Author's Notes:** Sorry to anyone who was a bit too angsted out by the last chapter, and also to anyone who was put off by the prospect of Natsuki having a boyfriend. I'm a bit surprised there wasn't any speculation about who it was. Maybe you all just assumed it was an OC because I didn't name him yet? Heh.

Just a little warning here, this fic is bound to be quite angsty. I also can't make any guarantees about how it'll turn out. On top of that, Shiznat fans may find this chapter particularly rough. Sorry, but that's life sometimes.

I'll be honest here: This fic is quite personal to me. I wrote the previous chapter to help get me through a particularly rough spot emotionally. The incident that brought that episode on still haunts me, and probably will for quite some time. Writing helps a little, but not enough.

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**Title:** Too Late 

**Rating:** T

**Chapter 2:** Simplicity

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My name is Kuga Natsuki, and I used to lead a relatively simple life. Most of my time was occupied with my studies, spending time with my boyfriend, or simply playing video games when I lacked anything else to do. I really didn't have relationships with many people. To be honest, outside of myself and my boyfriend, there wasn't anyone else in life I cared the slightest about. Things probably would have continued that way if I hadn't come down with pneumonia in my second year of college and ended up meeting Shizuru. 

But I guess I should really start at the beginning. Up until I was fourteen, I led a pretty normal life. I was an only child, though I grew up alongside my pet dog, Duran. I don't have too many memories of that time of my life, but they're all happy. But then my world ended. A car accident took my mother and Duran from me and put me into a coma for a couple of months. My father took care of me as best as he could while I was recovering, but he just wasn't a very good parent, and eventually we both realized this. When I was old enough, he shipped me off to a boarding school, allotted me a more than generous monthly allowance, and left my life.

Even though he wasn't much of a parent, I still wish my father hadn't done that to me. He was the only family I had left, and he abandoned me. I was completely lost when I arrived at Fuuka Gakuen. Unsurprisingly, I acted out and got into a fair bit of trouble. I spent almost every day after school being yelled at by the student council president, Suzushiro Haruka.

The problem was that Suzushiro-san was just too ridiculous to be real. I started making it a game to see how furious I could make her, then laughed more or less silently to myself as she blew up at me. She threatened me with all sorts of punishments, of course, but I didn't care. I guess it just felt good that someone there actually cared about me in some way. I wasn't just a ghost there; I had an identity. It was far from ideal, but I had no idea how to be anything else.

Of course, Suzushiro-san didn't feel the same way about things. She threatened to have me expelled on a couple of occasions. If I hadn't transferred in close to the end of the school-year, I might have pressed her far enough eventually that she'd have followed through with it. But she lost the election, and when I got in trouble for cutting class the first time in the next year, I came up to her replacement, Kanzaki Reito.

Reito was a polar opposite to Suzushiro-san. Instead of being loud, bull-headed, and short-tempered, he was quiet, thoughtful, and serene. It was absolutely impossible to perturb the guy, try as I might to get him to care about me in some way. He simply met with me, calmly handed out punishments, and dismissed me. At first he was a bit surprised that I kept showing up, but eventually we settled into a kind of routine.

But then, after a couple of months, something changed in Reito. I don't know exactly what happened, but something seemed to come up in the gossip network regarding him. I was completely out of the loop, so I really had no clue what it was, but the name "Reito-sempai" seemed to be spoken quite a bit. I didn't care though. I was determined to not care about Reito just as much as he didn't care about me.

What stymied my plan was the fact that Reito started gradually caring more for me after that point. By my logic, I'd have to start caring for him as well. I resisted, naturally, but he made it difficult. Instead of just telling me what my punishment was, he'd keep me around to talk. He seemed interested in me. He tried to figure out why it was that I was such a troublemaker. Eventually he wore me down enough that I explained my story to him and pretty much stormed out.

From that point on, I tried a new tactic to handle Reito: I refused to get in trouble. He couldn't go prying into my personal life if I didn't show up on his doorstep every other day. I did pass him in the halls on occasion, and he'd shoot me a proud look each time. I soon realized that in a way, I'd played right into his hands. I'd become a model student, just to prove a point to myself.

When I came to this realization and made my peace with it, I started smiling back at Reito each time we passed each other in the halls. Before I knew it, I'd made my first real friend in my new life. Our relationship developed through my final years in high school, though I barely realized it myself. I became more and more dependant on Reito as time passed. He was my only real friend, and on my graduation day, when he kissed me and asked if I was alright bringing our relationship to the next level, it only seemed natural to me.

I didn't really have too much in my life, but it was all I really needed. I was content with my lot. That is, up until I met Shizuru, I was. She threw my life completely off-kilter. Granted, maybe it wasn't entirely her fault, as the hassle of making up school after missing a month caused enough stress on its own, but she presented quite a different kind of stress.

I really don't know how Shizuru was making me feel, to be honest. I mean, we seemed to get along great, and before I knew it I had another friend. Maybe the simple fact that I'd gotten another good friend brought up the possibility in my mind that I'd been missing something. Or maybe it was something about Shizuru herself. She was… something. She brought out all sorts of feelings in me that I hadn't experienced since before the accident, and she seemed to revel in drawing them out.

Eventually, though, I was able to sort out my life again. I had a great boyfriend, who I was pretty sure I was in love with and who loved me back, and I had a wonderful best friend. I could do all sorts of sweet romantic things with Reito, and just hang out and have fun with Shizuru. I was even starting to think of trying to make some more friends, though I doubted any could rival Shizuru.

I was an idiot to think things would last like that. When Reito proposed to me, I thought that my life was perfect. I woke up the next morning practically giddy, and I spent the whole day at school waiting until I could get out and meet Shizuru for our afternoon tea and tell her the news. She reacted in a typical Shizuru fashion, calmly pleasant and congratulatory as she simply observed me being happy. Maybe I should I have seen through her mask, or the fact that she excused herself early, but, as I said, I was an idiot.

I came back to my dorm to find Reito waiting for me. We spent the rest of the afternoon and dinner together, just talking and reveling in each other's presence. I started to get the impression that he was thinking of making a move on me that evening. While considering if I was ready for our first time, I got a phone-call from Shizuru.

"Natsuki?" Something sounded a bit off about Shizuru's voice, but I paid it no mind. I was just pleased to be able to talk with her, having missed out on much of our usual time together that afternoon.

"Shizuru! What's up?" I said.

Shizuru was silent for a minute. In retrospect, maybe you'd describe it as an ominous silence, but it didn't seem that way at the time. And then, for the second time in my life, my world was turned upside-down.

"I love you," Shizuru said, her voice breaking.

I stood there dumbfounded for a minute. Reito looked at me in concern. For some reason, I turned away from him. I tried to say something, anything, to Shizuru, but my mind and mouth were both blank.

"Forgive me," Shizuru said. I could hear her start to break into sobs as the phone went dead.

I remained in a state of shock for another minute. I didn't even move the phone away from my ear, though eventually my hand loosened up a bit and it fell out. Then I felt Reito coming up to me from behind, his arms wrapping around me. In the past, those arms had given me so much support and strength, but now I felt nothing from them. "Natsuki… is everything alright?" he asked.

I shook my head and turned around, gently pushing my way out of the hug. "No," I said simply. I walked past him, towards the door. I picked up my keys from the desk beside the entrance and opened the door. I paused for a moment and looked back at Reito apologetically. He was concerned, definitely, but he wasn't stopping me. I left without a word.

I didn't know what I felt anymore. All emotions felt like they'd been stripped from my mind. The only thing I knew then was that Shizuru was in pain, and I couldn't bear to think of her like that. Without a hint of a plan in my mind, I made my way towards Shizuru's room.

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**Author's Notes:** Yeah, that one was hard for me to write. I don't know if Natsuki x Reito has ever been done before, but it's… interesting. It's not right, of course, but it needs to be for this story. Kannin na. 


	3. Warmth

**Author's Note:** I've decided to post this chapter up on Valentine's Day as well, in case angst would serve anyone better. I'm currently unattached myself, though I do have some pretty nice friends who might help me through, so whether I'm angsty or not today has yet to be determined. Ah well, we'll see how it goes. Read at your own risk. If you just want fluff today, I strongly recommend you head of to my special fic, Your Valentine, and put this one off until later.

* * *

**Title:** Too Late

**Rating:** T

**Chapter 3:** Warmth

* * *

"Forgive me," I said, just before my control over my voice gave way. I started to break into sobs again, shame at my admission coupling with all my prior reasons to be upset. My thumb instinctively moved to turn off the phone. I couldn't bear to let Natsuki hear me break down like that.

Of course, I knew it was too late. She'd surely caught the first of my sobs before I'd been able to deactivate the phone, so from that standpoint it didn't make much difference if she heard more or not. I'd also idiotically slipped up and confessed my feelings to her, and it was now too late to take that back.

I carelessly tossed my phone off to the shade and fell back onto my bed. Why the hell had I slipped up? The second I heard her voice, I couldn't help myself. My mind went wild with thoughts of wanting her to be mine. She was just too irresistible. My heart had attached itself to her, and it wasn't letting go. Even when I'd set up a safe plan in my mind, one sentence from her empowered my heart to break through everything and cause me to make an idiot of myself.

I rolled over to my side and gripped a spare pillow tightly in my arms, wishing it could have been Natsuki there for me too hug. But someone as thoughtless as me didn't deserve to have her. I should never have told her about my feelings. There was no way she deserved the torture of having to face this, and likely having to reject me whenever we next spoke.

However liberating it was for me to get that out and not have to worry about hiding my feelings from her, the fact that I hurt Natsuki in doing so was much worse. I couldn't bear to do anything to hurt that sweet girl. She'd never done anything wrong. She was just cursed to have her best friend fall for her and be thoughtless enough to let it slip the day after she got engaged, ruining the happiness she should rightfully be experiencing.

Perhaps the noble part of me had weakened by that point, for I then started thinking thoughts that I could best describe as being a bit selfish. What if, I wondered, I would actually be better for Natsuki than Reito? If that were the case, then I'd have had to do this for her ultimate happiness. It didn't seem possible that Reito could love her as much as I did, even given his head start in knowing her years longer. Natsuki got closer to me a lot faster than she did Reito, after all.

But how did I really know that I would be better for her? How did I know we'd work at all? I didn't even know for sure that she was into girls. If she didn't at least have that, then everything else would be meaningless. Even if she did, it was no guarantee that we would work as a couple. I knew that we worked as friends, and I felt the necessary chemistry with her, but that didn't mean that she did with me.

That was all my brain speaking, though. My heart had already decided. It was in love with Natsuki, and it felt that she could love me back given the opportunity. And it was now telling me to pursue her as best as I could, to make this possibility become reality. We were meant to be, after all.

In my bed, alone, my brain could fight back against my heart and push it to a standstill, but I'd learned from experience that as soon as Natsuki came into the picture, the contest was over. I could justify to myself all I wanted that I couldn't have anything with her, but none of it would hold up when I was actually interacting with her. If I wanted to let my brain win, I'd have to cut her out of my life completely. Could I do that? Could I run out on her, who could well be the love of my life?

"Shizuru…"

I froze mid-sob at the sound of Natsuki's voice from behind me. When had she come in? She must have come over after our phone-call, and I must have missed the sound of her knocking over my sobs. I tried to recall if I'd locked the door when I'd gotten in earlier, and I couldn't remember doing so. I was just in a rush to be alone that I must have forgotten about it as I went straight to my room. I'd never forgotten something like that before, though, which I guess speaks for how much this really threw me off.

But that didn't matter, really. It was done, and Natsuki had taken advantage of it to come in when I hadn't answered. She was concerned for me, certainly, but I couldn't take that to mean she felt for me as anything more than a friend. She could have just come to try to let me down clearly but gently, and to make sure I was still alright. If that was the case, I needed her to get it out right away. It would be easier for me to simply be cut off than for her to drag me on if she knew I'd never have a chance.

But she wasn't saying anything. She was just standing there, watching me. I don't know how long she'd been there before she spoke up, witnessing my pathetic state, but I couldn't take it anymore. I needed _something_ from her. Straining to get the words out clearly and to not start sobbing anew, I said, "Natsuki, please…" It wasn't very clear, but it was all I could manage.

I don't know what Natsuki inferred from my plea, but she did start to speak. "Shizuru…" she said. "I love Reito." If my heart hadn't already been shattered, that sentence would have done it. As it was, it sent a wave of searing pain through its remnants. Her next word, however, wiped the pain away, just for a moment: "But…"

Natsuki trailed off. I don't know if it was her intention, but she'd given me a moment of hope. For those few seconds, I thought I might have a chance with her. I allowed myself to dream of a possibility between us. In that moment, I think my heart won its battle with my brain. If Natsuki gave me a sliver of a chance, I knew then that I'd have to pursue it. I wouldn't be able to live with myself otherwise.

"I can't bear to see you like this," Natsuki said. "I… I don't know what to say, or even what I feel anymore. I… I just don't know." Natsuki's voice was starting to strain, now. My heart felt like it was being twisted; hope pulled it up from the lack of rejection while the pain in Natsuki tugged it downwards.

I had to do something for her then to help with the pain she was feeling. It wasn't much, but I said the first thing to come to mind. "Thank you, Natsuki… for coming."

I heard her moving behind me, and soon I could feel the bed moving beneath me as she crawled up onto it. Her hand reached my shoulder, and started lightly stroking down my arm. My instincts were still a bit afraid of letting her see me like this, and I had to suppress an urge to tense up. Once I did, though, her touch was sweetly soothing.

"Are you… are you going to be alright, Shizuru?" Natsuki asked.

It sounded to me like she was asking permission to leave, in her way. It was very sweet of her to do it this way. Too sweet. This would have all been easier if she were harsh with me and told me flatly that I had no chance. But she hadn't done that, and so she'd given me a sliver of hope. And with that hope, there was no way I could bear to lose her tonight. "No," I managed to get out. At least, I wouldn't if she left. With her here, it would still be torture, but it was better than being empty.

"Alright," Natsuki said. She didn't seem too disappointed, as I'd been fearing. I think maybe she was even expecting that answer, or at least expecting that it was true, even if I'd cover up.

Although Natsuki had anticipated my feelings, I turned out to have guessed wrong about her intentions. I'd thought she would simply remain where she was, stroking and comforting me. I certainly never thought she'd lie down right behind me, her body pressing up against mine as her arms snuck around my body to grip me in a hug. I was far too weak to resist then; as it was, I barely had the strength to shift my midsection up so her arm could come in underneath me.

I lay there still for a long while, and Natsuki remained silently hugging me. Her head had leaned forward to rest against my back. Her whole presence there was too much for me. I could feel all of her body heat seeping into me. It was the closest I'd ever been to her. Possibly the closest I ever would be for her. Perhaps she was just trying to give me this moment as an apology for all the pain I'd had to endure for her sake. At the thought of this, tears once again started to pour from my eyes. I only barely managed to keep from sobbing out loud.

There was a very good chance I'd never get this opportunity again, so I just couldn't waste it. Besides that, I just needed her for support. I brought my hands up to Natsuki's, and I gently pulled them off of me. She let out a concerned noise, but I simply used the freedom to turn around in her arms. I avoided her gaze as much as I could while I wrapped my own arms around her. I buried my head into her chest and squeezed her tightly as I let my tears fall out.

Natsuki's arms slowly closed around me again, and I felt her head come to rest of top of mine. I couldn't help but think how incredibly sweet she was to do this for me, in spite of all the pain I had to be causing her. This couldn't be easy for her, and yet all she could seem to think about was comforting me. Did that mean I had a shot with her?

"I'm sorry, Shizuru," Natsuki said. Her voice seemed weak, maybe broken a little. Had she been crying herself? And what did she have to be sorry about? "We'll figure this out, okay? I don't want to lose you…"

I gripped Natsuki tightly. I didn't have the energy to speak anymore, but I wanted to let her know that she didn't have to worry about that. She'd given me a chance, which was even more than I'd asked of her. She still didn't know how she felt herself, but at least that was better than her knowing that we could never work. I vowed to myself that I'd do whatever I could to support her through this and to come to the right decision, whatever that might be. After tonight, I owed it to her.

My tears slowed to a halt as I embraced Natsuki for what I was desperately hoping would simply be my first, rather than last time. Slowly I drifted off to sleep, dreaming peacefully of a world where Natsuki and I could be together.


	4. Dreams

**Author's Note:** I apologize to all of my readers who were hoping for the poll to sway my writing priorities, but I consider this fic to be a bit of an exception anyways. The tone needs me to be in a different mood, and so I take it when I can get it. I still hope to have the update to Perchance to Dream out early next week; don't fear.

This particular chapter is dedicated to Shezaei Neko, with her sad finale to Yours will Lead Mine particularly in mind. If you haven't read that, you really want to before this, or else it'll be spoiled. It's really quite amazing. Just be sure you have something to hug first.

* * *

**Title:** Too Late

**Rating:** T

**Chapter 4:** Dreams

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That was the night the dreams started. To this day, I don't know what was really behind them. Was it some god trying to give me a clue, or my own subconscious trying to do the same? Or was it just some coincidence the first few times, and my mind trying to keep it up afterwards? I prefer to think it was my subconscious, actually. That way I can give myself some credit for figuring it all out.

Everything is a lot clearer in hindsight, really. When I look back on everything, putting all that I knew and felt then together, the choice seems obvious. But I guess the difference is that these days, I know for sure what true love is. Back then, I was just a kid. I'd gotten engaged when I simply assumed I was in love, rather than knowing it for sure. At least it did set events in motion that allowed me to eventually reach that state.

What? You want to know who I'm talking about? Heh, well I'd like to tell you, but a certain _someone_ who's making me write this things it would be better for the dramatic tension if we keep it a secret a bit longer. Shouldn't be too hard for you to figure out, though. Really. Think for just _one_ second about it. Gah! I really should get back to the story, or Mai's going to break out her frying pan to keep me on track. Hah! I dare you to edit this out, Mai! Be just like you to hide the evidence.

**Editor's Note:** Don't mind Natsuki. She's just mad that I ran out of mayonnaise. Oh, and dare met, so nyeh!

I don't think Shizuru noticed, but I was crying myself as I held her that night. I couldn't explain why I was brought to tears, but I think it was mostly seeing my best friend in that state which hurt me so much. I cared about her that much, I knew. Trying to figure things out beyond that was just hurting my brain even more, so I decided to put it off until the next day. I was hoping that sleep would help me sort things out in my mind. That was the primary purpose of it, after all, at least according to my psych professor.

Well, my dreams certainly had an impact on me, though they didn't do anything to clear things up at first. They really just confused me even more. Well, I shouldn't say "they," it was really just one dream. One incredibly vivid and detailed dream, which had me waking up in tears. Although I'd gone to sleep cradling Shizuru against my chest while she wept, I found our positions reversed as I woke. I really needed her support then. I needed to feel her alive and beside me, to reassure myself that it was just a dream...

To be frank, though, it seemed too real to be just a dream. It all took place in another world which seemed to have all of its own rules and its own sort of magic, though it was filled with many people I recognized from my life – notably Shizuru. I was something called an "Otome" there, which is a warrior of some sort, I think. Only, I'd been seriously injured in battled and lost my eyesight. Oddly, in the dream, I still saw things from a kind of third-person perspective, so I knew more of what was going on.

At first, it had seemed like my life and career was ruined. I took a vacation back to my home to try to recover, and Shizuru came with me. In the dream, Shizuru and I were a couple, and very much in love. She was the only thing that kept me from falling into a suicidal depression. Her love saved me, and her devoted effort taught me how to live without my sight.

If I'd woken up there, her efforts for me in the dream and how comfortable being with her had seemed could easily have made an impact on my state of mind in the waking world. But from there, the dream took a turn for the worse. I started to feel weaker, and I couldn't keep up with our training. It was soon revealed that the poison which had initially blinded me had actually infected the rest of my body as well, and it was only just starting to take effect. Simply put, I was dying.

At this revelation, Shizuru did the most unbelievable thing. Any normal person in her position would have tended to me for the rest of my days, giving me all of her love. And when I'd passed, she mourn for quite some time, but eventually move on. Shizuru, however, went beyond all expectations. She just loved me too much, and so she couldn't even live without me.

And so Shizuru... Shizuru... well, I don't really know how to describe it, but she bonded herself to me in some way. By the technology of this world, that meant that her life was tied to mine, and mine to hers. She would rather die with me than live without. As she said, "I will go wherever Natsuki is." I couldn't protest to this. I didn't know what the afterlife would entail, if there was any at all, but I knew then in my heart that it would be alright if Shizuru were with me. We didn't have to spend even a minute apart, through the end.

The bonding ceremony went through, and Shizuru and I spent our last days caring about nothing except each other. On the day when I knew the end was coming, I asked Shizuru to bring us out to the flower garden where we'd shared some of our most intimate moments. We shared our final words, our final admissions of love, before my ability to speak left me. In my mind, I wished only to be able to see her beautiful face once more, and somehow, through my sight finally returning through a small miracle or a quirk of my mind, my wish was granted. I passed away, seeing nothing but Shizuru, and her love brought her with me into the abyss.

I woke up to find myself being cradled in Shizuru's arms, my head buried in her chest. I'd nearly soaked through her shirt with my tears. It took me some time to gain control of myself. When I did, I gently parted myself from her, relieved to see that she was asleep with a peaceful smile on her face. Her dreams were happier than mine, apparently. Well, she deserved it, at least. She was the one who had to face so much sorrow in life, yesterday. She needed a break.

As I watched Shizuru sleeping, I reflected on my dream and realized a couple things. What I'd seen there was true love, no question about it. What I had with Reito, however... that couldn't compare. I wasn't in love with him. I might have loved him as a friend, but I couldn't marry him with just that. What I had with Shizuru was still too young to know if that was love. In the end, I just needed more time.

I let out a deep sigh. I pulled my right hand out from under Shizuru, and I removed my engagement ring from it. I put it in my pocket, resolving to talk with Reito about this as soon as possible. It was too soon to get married, at the very least. Before committing to that, I had to give Shizuru a chance.

I looked once again at Shizuru's sleeping form. She was so beautiful there. I had to feel her once more to reassure myself that we were both still alive. I stroked my hand along her side, and she let out a pleasant purr. I chuckled gently to myself. Leaning forward, I gave her a quick kiss on the nose and promised, "We'll talk soon, Shizuru. Please don't give up on me."


	5. Puppy

**Author's Note:** My updating was messed up a bit by my computer going down, but I hope to get back to Crimson Maiden once it's fixed and I have my files back. Till then, enjoy the conclusion to this fic! ;) Much thanks to Yuri-hime for betaing!

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**Title:** Too Late

**Rating:** T

**Chapter 5:** Puppy

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_~Secrets~_

I've been reluctant to wake up before, but nothing like I was that particular morning. In my dreams, I could be with Natsuki. We led many different lives, we got together in so many different ways, and it always worked out perfectly. But that wasn't this world. In this world, I was lying in bed alone, Natsuki having abandoned me sometime in the night. I kept myself on the verge of sleep as long as I could, but in the end, the absence of Natsuki's warmth was simply undeniable.

I didn't have Natsuki. It was as simple as that. In many other lives, I may have found her, but in this one I'd just missed my chance. I was so close, too. Close enough to get one night of dreams. Enough to know what I was missing, before she left me for her fiancé. I didn't begrudge her that decision. I could tell by the light in the room, even if I didn't open my eyes, that it was getting into the day. Reito would certainly be worried, and he deserved an explanation. Natsuki wouldn't keep something like this secret from him, like I'd kept it from her.

Perhaps if I hadn't kept my feelings secret, this could have turned out better. I could have let Natsuki know she had another option before she committed to marrying Reito, rather than force her to face it afterwards. Or perhaps for her sake, I should have remained strong, and kept this secret forever, even if I destroyed myself in the process.

No. That certainly wasn't the best option. Natsuki was an adult. She deserved to know the whole truth so she could make her own decisions. It wasn't my place to shield her from difficult decisions. Perhaps I had waited too long, hoping that my feelings would fade as I could convince myself that she was taken. At least at the point where I knew it wasn't happening that easily, I should have said something to Natsuki. As she'd proven the previous night, she was my friend, even if she wasn't my lover.

No more secrets. If Natsuki chose Reito, then I would just have to live with it, loving her without reciprocation until my feelings burned out, or until I found someone else. I wouldn't destroy myself trying to hold my feelings in again. I had to face the world as it was, and make the most of it.

At last, I peeled my eyes open, forcing myself to fully awaken to the fact that I was left alone in bed, without Natsuki. Taking a few long seconds to let out a deep sigh, I turned my head to check the time. There I found her note.

_Really sorry I had to leave, Shizuru, but I can't leave Reito without an explanation. He deserves to know what's going on. At this point so do you, so I'll just say this: Don't give up on me. It's not too late.

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_

_~Simplicity~_

Marrying Reito was the easy choice. It was also, undeniably, the wrong one. It wasn't who I was. As much as I may have wished to just live my life like a typical girl, it would never have worked. I was deceiving myself in saying that that was what I wanted.

A sense of exhilaration hit me as I left Shizuru's room. I hadn't felt anything like this since I'd played games with Suzushiro-san, trying to make her snap with my behavior. I wasn't born to be a faithful housewife. I needed to go wild. Some of my friends have compared me to a dog – I can indeed be a very faithful companion, but you'd damn well better give me a huge backyard to run around in when I need it.

Reito had tamed me from the wild animal I was when we'd first met. Although it was nice to be with someone like him and show a tamer side, I missed the freedom I'd had before. The more I stayed with Reito, the more I settled down. My degree would end up as nothing more than a piece of paper on the wall of our house if we got married. My only life would be his.

Fine for some girls, but not for me. Staying with Reito would be too easy, too simple… too boring. Would Shizuru end up being any different? At that point, I had no idea. And I loved it.

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_~Warmth~_

_It's not too late._

I held onto those words throughout the day. I nearly bounced around my dorm in giddiness. Most days I pictured Natsuki as a cute puppy, but for this one day, I was hers. If only she could have been there to see it. But she had important things to do, so I waited. Puppies could be patient too, after all, waiting for their masters to come home after a long day.

I kept myself occupied as best as I could with homework and my studies, hoping to get a phonecall or a knock on the door from Natsuki. None came, but I didn't let that faze me. The simple fact that I might still have a chance was enough, whatever Natsuki might have been up to in the meantime. I would let her come to me. Until she did, the spark of hope she'd lit within me would be more than enough to keep me warm as I slept. I didn't even need to hold Natsuki in my arms that night to dream of even more heavens for us to be together in.

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_~Dreams~_

Reito was a good guy, I'll give him that much. I'd been expecting a fight from him, but I got nothing. I had no idea at the time why our breakup went so well, but I just chalked it up to him honestly caring for me as a friend and wanting what was best for me. In retrospect, it may have had a bit more to do with a certain friend of his sister's that he met around that time and later ended up dating.

I was free. But as much as a dog might wish to run around in the wild for a day, she always would need somewhere nice and warm to sleep at night. I took my day of freedom for myself, but the night was always on my mind. As much as I couldn't keep Reito wondering that morning, I couldn't leave Shizuru wondering that night.

Maybe it wouldn't work out. Maybe she'd end up just like Reito, or even worse. I didn't feel like that would happen, though. Even if I weren't so sure, I needed to try. The call of the wild was calling me to Shizuru. She was the unknown. She was adventure. Perhaps in time she'd be my shelter for the night, while I ran wild during the day. Or, even better, she might supply me with a way of going wild all on her own.

Now I was just dreaming. But what did it matter? It had taken a dream to break me from Reito; I could use this dream to get together with Shizuru. I just wanted to make sure I could return the favor. She'd been dreaming of me, I was sure, and it was time she finally realized that dream.

I waited until it was late and I was sure she was dreaming of me before I made my move. Even though I hadn't done it in years, picking the lock to Shizuru's door was still a breeze for me. Motivation will do that to you. I snuck into her room, leaving the lights off and just letting my eyes adjust so I didn't disturb Shizuru. I found her on her bed, hugging a pillow with a blissful smile on her face. Perfect.

I crawled carefully onto the bed, hovering just over Shizuru. A gentle brush on her cheek was all it took for her to loosen her hold on the pillow and roll onto her back, facing up at me. I might have had a few qualms about what I planned to do next, but her gentle utterance of "…suki…" was enough to ease my mind.

I lowered myself slowly, coming to a rest on top of Shizuru. Somewhere within her mind, she must have known what I was doing, as her cheeks tinged with a blush. "It's time to wake up, Shizuru," I whispered to her, "but I won't ask you to leave your dreams behind when you do."

A gentle fluttering of Shizuru's eyelashes was all the response I got, but it was all I needed. I closed the last remaining inches between us. My lips met with Shizuru's. Time slowed as her lips took charge of the kiss, capturing mine within them. Her arms wrapped around me, and I surrendered myself to Shizuru's dreams.

I was Shizuru's puppy. For the night, at least. And every night since then, as it turned out.

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**Author's Note:** This chapter is dedicated to the memory of my own puppy, who passed away yesterday. Not that I let that sway my writing - the "puppy" theme is just a coincidence, I swear! :P

**Impatient for updates?** I'm trying out something new, where I can share my incomplete chapters with anxious readers via buzzword. If you're interested, let me know through a PM and give me an e-mail address to use (you'll need to sign up with it). All I ask in return is that you keeping reading, and make sure to drop a review or two. ;)


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